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bettie magnum

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"throw away, the ones that make you feel bad" [May. 14th, 2005|08:54 am]
bettie magnum
i figured it out. why i don't like being around people. because i'm never lonely when i'm alone. it takes the presence of another person to make me feel lonely.

that's what made ecuador hell, what made high school hell. hundreds of people and i felt so, so fucking alone. i love spending time by myself, love it more than anything perhaps. but i can't stand feeling alone in a crowd, can't stand sitting in shared loneliness, it depresses me far beyond that which is communicable. because nothing is truly communicable. because we are all so alone and untouchable behind our eyes. i like being untouchable, i like being unknowable, but i hate looking out at the world and knowing that people are just (slightly-less-predictable) robots, fucking furniture for all the good it will ever do me or for the extent that i will actually be able to "know" them. a piled-high, shiny bowl of multicolored candy, old-fashioned peppermint ribbons and gumdrops, so tempting and alluring to the eye of an innocent five year old child. takes a bite and breaks a tooth on the glass, the pretty shiny glass candy. fake. so convincing, but ultimately flavorless as water, nothing but burnt sand.

EDIT: this is one of the most important things i have ever written and i think that i might just print it off and hand it out to anyone who ever tries to talk to me again.
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(no subject) [Dec. 3rd, 2004|01:31 pm]
bettie magnum
[mood |stuffy]
[music |bach]

cuntCollapse )
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(in case you were wondering how) [Nov. 30th, 2004|09:37 am]
bettie magnum
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |butter 08]

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"get in the know, pedro" [Nov. 24th, 2004|11:43 am]
bettie magnum
[mood |terra cotta]
[music |large table saw (i.e. fargo)]

My journal is called the all-consuming vagina because of a conversation my roommate crazy_syllable and i once had. We were talking about one of my ex-lovers, and the aura of simultaneous childishness and hot sexuality that she exudes. she's like, this really cute, ditzy, flirty, freckle-faced little girl- only with a zaftig figure (read: huge, gorgeous tits). we were describing the way she just seems to suck everyone in with her sexuality and sarah exclaimed, "God, she's like, the all-consuming vagina or something." i loved that phrase more than you can possibly imagine, milking it for all of its symbolic possibilities. so when sarah and i started our co-journal at my-diary.org, we named it that. and when i finally pussied out and got a livejournal i brought the name with me.

My subtitle is "[like ms. pacman or a snapping turtle, it destroys all in its path-] because: it describes the title.

My friends page is called "FBI's Most Wanted" because: you know, i am really not funny at all.

My username is defyapathy because: it again stems from many past discussions with sarah.  many times we bemoaned the advent of apathy on the "scene."  the whole "indie" movement that came through as a backlash to "emo"-only keeping the exact same stylistic features and most of the same music- except instead of crying about everything, they just didn't give a shit about anything. we'd go to shows, and everybody would be standing there, not moving. too fucking cool to do anything but smoke cigarettes and stare blankly. like they didnt even care about the music, they just went to show off how tight of pants of the opposite gender they could wear. like a fucking art fag fashion show. that makes me want to fucking vomit. i've always been a person with a lot of passion and feeling, and maybe sometimes i care too MUCH- but at least i'm alive, at least i have a fucking pulse. my username attempts to capture that, as briefly and tritely as it can.

My default userpic is: vagina dentata. again, the all-consuming vagina theme.  i find the latent subconscious male fear of the Yoni, a mythology that transcends time and culture, to be funny as all hell. CHOMP! hehe. but i dont hate penii, in fact i quite revere the large erect phallis in all its aesthetic, moist-panty-inducing glory. i <3 dick. but that mental image of an anthropomorphic vagina going "grr i am going to eat you!"  ...rofl.

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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2004|11:17 am]
bettie magnum

 America: 2004Collapse )

i feel so utterly helpless.

and how could my own state ban gay marriage?  i can't wait to leave this fucking continent in january. maybe i'll never come back.


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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2004|12:20 am]
bettie magnum
[mood |smirky]
[music |dcfc- company calls + epilogue]

today i parallel-parked successfully for the first time in years.



i've decided that if i could only find a job where i could just do crossword puzzles all the time, my life would be complete. it's the only thing that gives me a real sense of fulfillment.



oh halloween, thank you. thank you dearly. for because of you, i can actually say things like: "yesterday my ex-boyfriend fucked betty rubble" without jesting.

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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2004|08:56 pm]
bettie magnum


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"vulva hugs and labia kisses" [Oct. 27th, 2004|06:12 pm]
bettie magnum
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |billie holliday]

today i got a lot accomplished. today deserves a star: *

good job, self (pats own back)


this is what i did later when i stopped being productive: Collapse )


and, hereCollapse ) is a picture of the Taung baby as a skull and crossbones.  

anthropology joke. i guess they voted to put it on our tshirts. honestly, i don't think anybody else is going to get it.

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FUCK BUSH. [Oct. 26th, 2004|07:03 pm]
bettie magnum
[mood |i have to pee.]

this takes a while to load, but is worth it. i found it surprisingly inspiring.
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rowr. [Oct. 23rd, 2004|05:26 pm]
bettie magnum
[mood |distrustful of criminology]
[music |beck (mutations)]




1920's pornCollapse )

fleshy, sumptuous curves and cleavage. maravilloso. i envision my aesthetic sensitibities as housed within this tiny, pinkly pert clitoris of the brain, set erect at smooth, sybaritic human forms.

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